we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
