my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
