What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
