just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
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