If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
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she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
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I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
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