I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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