I like to think it a success when the cops are called
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Randomize
