Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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