Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
