Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
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