I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
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