oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
You need a sexual gate keeper
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
