wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
