just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
God gave him joint rollers for hands
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Randomize
