please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
