party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
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