Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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