I just cut my nipple shaving
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
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