just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Randomize
