You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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