My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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