how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
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Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
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From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
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