I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
