just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
