At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
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