it's too hot outside to masturbate.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Randomize
