Betty ford says i'm here all night
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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