Quick, to the slutcave!
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
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