You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
