it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Randomize
