i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
