$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
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