i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
