How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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