I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
