you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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