areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
