home. puking in laundry basket.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
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