Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
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Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
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I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
tell me about the eggs
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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