oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
