I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
