Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
