I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
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