id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
