well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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