In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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