he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
