dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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