I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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