y did u give ur computer a hand job?
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Randomize
