I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Life is so much better after having sex.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
How external is "for external use only"?
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
