i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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