He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
