he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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