tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
