I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
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He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I'm sobbing to NWA
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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