its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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