moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Everclear isn't food dammit
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
