Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
