so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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