mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
