He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
