He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
