note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
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