The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
