Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
