So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
So. Much. Porn.
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