his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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