Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
