Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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