who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
