you guys were way drunker than both of me
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
