So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
