my vag is so smooth its legendary
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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